he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
