Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
