I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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