What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
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