so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
