I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
