i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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