Cold hands, warm shart.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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