go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
