theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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