i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
