question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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