they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
