As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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