I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
