Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
