dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
