Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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