Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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