There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
