i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
