i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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