I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
