I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
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