I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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