PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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