whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
