I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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