Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
