sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
