I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
