It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
