i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
