For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
