The maid of honor just puked.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
