Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
