Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
