Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
