Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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