I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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