That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
