I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
