I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
