We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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