do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
