clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
