I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
