the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
