Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
