Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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