Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
