OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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