im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
